Thankful for all the wonderful things in my life

We're finally back in Germany! And I am hopefully back to slightly more consistent blogging.
I wish I could say that the past few weeks were enjoyable, and I wish I had been anywhere but home, but I can't. Things were crazy at home. My biggest regret, thinking that if we didn't have to spend every second with our eye on mom that we would have time. We even planned to go on a date because, well, we deserve it. Turns out that things were so busy at home, we had to put "us" time on hold yet again.
The wake and funeral were as nice as one can be. I was amazed how many people came out to say "goodbye" to my mom. Lots of her old colleagues from work, and lots of family members I have not seen in at least 8 years. It was incredible. I have contacts now for two of my cousins who I have not spoken with in years. There is something so uplifting to know that people who I thought were completely out of my life are now back in it. I was also touched by all the wonderful things people had to say about my mom. It was all true, my mom could be the most upbeat, positive, and kind person.
After the funeral, we got to work straight away at the house. The house became our pet project that required us working all day from Thursday to the following Tuesday. There was so much work. But, we went through a lot, and found a lot. I found some amazing photographs of my grandmother's wedding, pictures I had never before seen. Actually, there was a treasure-trove of photographs. Besides photos, we plowed through tons of my moms clothes, many of which were never worn (another of my mom's characteristics.) I also found some old jewelery, including my grandmother's engagement ring (that I had never seen,) and a few old pieces of jewelery from my great-grandmother. Going through the house, and rescuing things from the upcoming Estate sale, was difficult but also therapeutic.
Besides the house, were trips to the lawyer and the bank. Lots of phone calls and lots more to make on Monday. I never realized how much work was involved in the resolution of an estate, in this case, two estates.
Despite the sadness, I was flabbergasted by the outpouring of kindness. I am forever grateful to my friends and family. It is truly in the times you are the most down when you truly learn who you can count on. The people at work have shown nothing but kindness, and today, I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a card from work. So many people have said kind things about my mom, and showed support. I feel I became much closer to some of my relatives, particularly my cousin Katie and my cousin Terry, and my aunt. Even people who I have spent little time with have written with nothing but kindness and concern. And of course, Joern was absolutely my rock throughout these past few months. Without him I cannot even imagine how much more difficult this ordeal would have been.
So while I feel right now shrouded in sadness, I also feel strangely uplifted by support and friendship.
Thank you everyone, even those who are not reading this, I cannot even begin to show my gratitude towards you all.

An update

Just to let all of you know, my mom passed away last night. She was surrounded by those closest to her, and she was quite peaceful. We had her kept on comfort care since she entered the hospital.
The amazing thing about it all, her passing was exactly three weeks and one hour after my step-father's. She simply could not live without my step-father.
We will probably be back in Germany on the 27th of November, and I expect to be back to work on December 1st. This has been quite a painful year for our family in so many ways. I hope that my mom and Jerry have found peace in being reunited.

Waiting Part II

Here I am at the airport again. I feel so bad that I didn't post for the entire time I was home, and have now realized that during this time, many people turned here for information.
Here is is.
I left my mother this past Friday with a home health assistant. Although she was highly against it, she finally agreed to stick with it for two weeks. I arrived in Germany safely on Saturday morning. My mom called me throughout the weekend to let me know that she was fine and did not need the assistant. On Sunday, she told me that I needed to call and cancel the assistant for Monday. She told me her sugars were running fine, and that she had taken her medicine. She called me on Monday to tell me that she had in fact cancelled the assistant herself, and that she was feeling great, excited to move to Germany, and was keeping herself busy. On Tuesday afternoon, I tried to call a few times, and could not get ahold of her. Around 4:00 US time, my aunt's mother called me to tell me that people had been trying to get ahold of my mom for some time, and could not get through.
My aunt went to my mom's house with me on the phone. She found my mom on the floor, unconcious. My aunt called 911 and went to the hospital with my mom. My aunt and cousin Elizabeth stayed with my mom at the hospital while they performed various tests.
The tests confirmed that my mom had a massive stroke, most probably on Monday night. There is extensive brain damage, and there was extensive swelling. Her breathing is labored, due to the heart problems, and by the time she reached the hospital, her toes were already turning blue. She is not expected to pull through this. Especially because she has an advance directive, no resuscitation and no intubation. Without these things my mother's heart will not make it, and anyway, there is left side paralysis and my mom is in a coma.
I knew she was sick but never expected to be coming back so soon. My mom seemed to be doing well, we had good news at the eye doctor's last week. Plus, we decided that she would indeed move to Germany. She was excited to receive the pictures of one of the houses she was looking at.
Now, Joern are sitting at another airport, 2 1/2 weeks after the last time we were sitting at the airport waiting to go home for a most difficult reason.
I will truly miss my mom, and wish her peace and comfort. I know she will be happy to be reunited with my step-father so quickly.

Waiting

We're at the Frankfurt airport right now, for the second day in a row. We left home yesterday at 8 am to make it to the airport to rush home (Fairfield home.) My stepfather passed away on Friday. I hope that he has found peace and comfort, because things were getting quite difficult for him this past week. My mom is upset, as anyone can imagine. We are going home for the week to help set my mom back up. I hope it works.
We got to the airport to find that they were taking voluntary bumps. We said that although it would be nice, we really needed to get home. Long story short, voluntary changed to mandatory, and we were bumped. It figures that we have never been offered a voluntary bump from a flight. Why yesterday? Lufthansa took good care of us. We stayed in a lovely hotel, had a wonderful dinner and breakfast all from Lufthansa. We also had a choice of a flight voucher or a cash incentive. Either choice would have been a good deal.
So, here we are. Joern has met a very nice retired teacher. I love him, he can become friends with everyone quickly. It is so cute.
I'm not exactly excited for this trip home this time, I know this will be a difficult week. But hopefully, it will help allievate so much of the stress that has been building up from all the unknowns. We'll see :)

An emotional first day of school

Well, it is really no big surprise to anyone that I have been entirely too emotional these past few weeks. Today, the first day of my teaching program, was also the last day of school before our fall break. The end of the day was so incredibly emotional, it was heart- breaking.
One of the students in our class is moving back to Japan. Today was her last day. I guess I should explain that this little one is a true keeper. She is kind, hard working, and generally a happy, lovely pesonality. We have been talking about her leaving for weeks, but it was so sad to say "goodbye" today. I have said goodbye to lots of students. On base, kids moved frequently. I'm sure there were some difficult times, and my eyes would often tear-up saying "goodbye," but I was able to get a handle on my emotions.
I think though that first grade is a tough age for goodbyes. It was sad to see our little leaving one go from smiles at the beginning of the day, to being cuddled on a pillow by the end of the day. She said her stomach was bothering her, but she just seemed so sad, it was effecting her physically. What was particularly hard was when we tried to get the class together for a final class picture. Another girl in our class, the best friend of leaving little one, burst out in tears. Uncontrollable, large, devistating tears. Little leaving one started crying too. We know the emotions wrapped up in moving, and having a friend move, but it is so painful to watch little ones go through it.
When I got home, I logged on to my new school, to find that my first course is up online. I haven't been involved in formal education in 7 years. Yikes! I do hope that I will do okay. The class is classroom management, and I have begun the first lesson, which defines classroom management. It turns out that there is quite a bit of material to cover for each lesson, and lessons are completed on a weekly basis. I also got an email about a five week math-test prep class offered. The math test is part of the general knowledge test that the state of Florida requires of teaching students. Math is definately not my strong point, so it looks like I'm going to enroll in a mini-class.
I am glad that I have a week off now to process everything!

Friends

image from http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Inner-Diva-Posters_i408825_.htm
The life of an expat is really unique. Working on a military base, I often commented on how amazing the kids were. Military kids move every three years, sometimes more often, and are really amazing at fitting in to new schools and environments. Then, I would comment on how I felt bad for the small group of kids of contractors, the kids who stayed for many years. I would note that it must be tougher for them in a way, because their friends were always coming and going, but for them, life remained the same, and they were the ones who had to be most flexible.
Seven years later, and I have now realized that I am in the same boat as the second group of kids I mentioned. Expat communities ebb and flow. Some of the friends I have made here have connections to the military, and fall into the first group of kids, they move about every three years. Most of my friends though fall into another group, they may be here for a year, they may be here for 10 years, but a lot simply don't know how long they will be here.
Our plan, on the other hand, is pretty constant. Of course, I know long-term plans can change. But, for right now, we are here for the long-run. I am happy here and am pleased with the thought of raising kids here. One thing that I find difficult though is the friend situation.
I have met some of the most incredible people here, and I am so happy to call these people my friends. I feel like the friends I have made here are stronger friendships than many of those I made at home, it seems that we are on a similar wavelength, and I feel like I can really be myself with my "here" friends. The only problem is that many of them have moved, will move, or may move. I won't.
Sadly, I have lost contact with many of them who have moved. Email is great, Facebook is great, but sometimes, even these methods can't support a friendship.
One of my friends moved back to Arizona almost two years ago. Although Ashley and I would say "hi" to each other every now and then, we didn't really communicate since she left. She was a good friend of mine, and I have felt her absence for the 2 years since she left.
Spurred by new phone service we have, with unlimited U.S. minutes, I decided to give Ashley a call today. It was wonderful talking to an old friend. Given all that is going on right now, it felt so good to hear about someone else's happiness. It gave me hope that things can and will change, and all that Joern and I are going through now will not last. It was also wonderful to hear her thoughts and ideas, both of which I always appreciated from Ashley. She was always someone I could rely on to listen when I needed to vent, and offered advice only when I asked for it. And knowing that she is still there is really something that has done my heart good.
I am really thankful to Joern for getting this new phone service. Somehow, knowing that we have all these minutes we are paying for has really given me a greater drive to call home. Given how these expat friends of mine come and go, it is nice to know I can hold on to some of these friends long after they have moved far away.

Saturday with Abbey

I got my first dog when I was 5. Sadly, our first family attempt at dog owning met a tragic end. But, when I was 11, I got Chloe. When I was 13, my dad got Sox. Sox and Chloe saw me go proms, met my boyfriends,watched me go off to college, saw me get married, and they were both glad to welcome me on multiple visits home from Germany. Chloe and Sox were really important in my life, and for me, having a dog became a way of life.
Since I've moved to Germany, we've been unable to have a dog of our own. First, Jörn had a cat, Paul, and Jörn's parents were certain that a dog could not live in the house with Paul. Once we moved into our own apartment, we found that we are not allowed to have dogs living in our building.
Yes, I had a wonderful little bunny, but have always pined for a dog. There is something about the companionship of a dog that cannot be equaled. True, dog is man's best friend, but a woman's too.
Since my friend Mandy's fiancé is away, she is a surrogate dog-mom to Abigail, a wonderful black lab. We benefit from this relationship because when Mandy goes away, we are on the doggy-sitter list. Because Mandy was away for an extremely long day yesterday, we got to spend the day with Abbey.
I adore Abbey. She is wonderfully trained, and has an incredible personality. Abbey is a quiet type, who loves long walks out on the fields and cuddling on the couch.
We picked Abbey up relatively early, around 10, and drove home with her. She is going through a confusing time right now, as she just moved in with Mandy last week. I felt so bad that she was even more confused when we came into her new "house" and picked her up and put her in our car. If she knew what kidnapping meant, Abbey definately would have thought she was being kidnapped. Once we got home, we for a little walk around our town.


Abbey looking out over the Neckar River
After we returned from our walk, she seemed to have adjusted to the day, and jumped up on our couch and fell asleep.


After she woke up, she and I cuddled for a while and watched a movie. It was so nice just having her around. She really added life to the apartment. She even welcomed Joern when he came home.


This really reminded me of one of my favorite things about having a dog, the "welcome home, I missed you more than anything in the world," welcome. We then took Abbey for a longer walk. We walked up the Jusi, which was an active volcano millions of years ago. It is part of the Swabian Alb, the low-mountain range that stretches from the Black Forest to the Alps. The views from the top were breathtaking.



Abbey and I enjoyed the views too.



After we went back down the mountain, we visited with some sheep that were near the parking lot.


We returned Abbey to Mandy's at 7:30 pm, and cooked up some dinner. I hope it was nice for Mandy to return home after a long day of high school football to her dog, her friends, and a good dinner.